Jehovah Jireh

Jehovah Jireh, "The LORD will provide". It is a promise and a name of God given by Abraham when God provided the ram to be sacrificed in place of Isaac. This provision was given after a risky act of obedience and faith. God was wanting to prove to me that He is Jehovah Jireh. I have never been without provision, I have always had my needs met. I have always worked and saved and had parents who help provide for me when I can't. I have never been able to see how God provides for me without MY own toil (aside from when a check for $10,000 showed up for a new car after mine died).

God gave me very crystal clear direction and confirmation to take a course called Foundations for Counseling Ministries (FCM). I needed an estimated $6,512 for this school by April 4th; but was only able to save $127 out of my monthly support. In February, my monthly expenses grew by a couple hundred dollars and I also had unexpected one time expenses come up. This forced me to rearrange my budget and not be able to save another penny toward this course or any future outreaches. I felt God then say that He wanted to prove to me that HE can and will provide without me toiling, striving, or stressing. The past two months, God has been speaking a lot to me about His provision and I have been doing my best to put my hope, trust, and faith in God. I have seen Him provide miraculously for others but a part of me doubted if that would really be the case for me. 

Tuesday March 26th, I began the day with a good quite time. I genuinely put my trust in God for provision knowing that it didn't matter what I did to support raise for this trip, it was GOD who would provide. However, needing this money within a week, I felt the obligation to begin writing support letters. Before I opened the "Word" application on my computer I got a text from a supporter asking how much money I still needed for my course. I replied I was only able to save $127 and I hadn't gotten any responses yet from my newsletter concerning funds. They then told me, "We trade in the stock market, and this week, any profit we make, we will pledge to you". I have heard their tales before when they pledge a day or a week of earnings to a missionary or mission cause, God always opens up the store houses and they make profits up to $10,000 in a single day. (When they are trading just for their own profit, they don't usually make this type of money). So, this was exciting news already. Then this supporter told me, "You are already up to $3,000 from yesterday".  EVEN BETTER NEWS! I was really praising God now, and really excited to see what the week held. 

Usually, when this person commits a week to a mission/missionary, they are striving very hard and studying charts, reading articles about companies and corporations, and on the phone all day with thier stock broker getting advice. This time, they were going on vacation, it is a shorter work week in the stock market, and they decided they were not going to TRY to make a lot of money, just see what happened. So, as they went on vacation they told their trusted stock broker that he had full control to buy and sell for him and just let him know the results at the end of the day. 

Wednesday March 27th, the total was up to $5,100. 

*On another note: This same day, our Discipleship Training School needed about $27,000 and within 15 min of intercession that total was brought down to about $8,500. 

Thursday, March 28th was the last day of trading for the week (since Friday is Good Friday).

My estimated expenses are: 

Lecture Phase $1,867 

Outreach Ground fees: $1,300

Estimated Airfare: $2,500 (subject to fluctuate)

Administrative fee of 3%: $195

Tithe of 10%: $650

Total: $6,512

The Total amount earned and pledged this week by this supporter was a total of $6,500. 

God has also provided through unusual ways to pay for my taxes and insurance that are both due soon, another $847. 

Truth to be learned:

When God wants you to do something and you risk in faith and obedience, He is JEHOVAH JIREH just as he was for Abraham. He has provided for my needs before I ever asked anybody besides God or even knew my needs. I did not have to strive, stress, or worry. God knew and God had it under control. Nothing is impossible for God. The need was great, but the provider is greater. 

I still need quite a bit more in monthly support. God provides, but I have to crunch in my monthly budget. If you would like to be a monthly supporter, there is still the need and opportunity to partner with me financially and be a part of what God is doing in me and through me.

A life marked by unjust mercy

God really is a mystery. There is so much depth and complexity about His being that baffles me. One thing that I don't understand is His justice. In my mind, justice is getting what you deserve whether reward or punishment. Justice is what is right, what is lawful, what is righteous. We live in a reward and punishment society; a society that fights to uphold justice. The word says that God is "just"; however, I have seen a lot of injustice from God in my life. Now, before you gasp and shout out "HERESY!" Hear me out. My life is marked by injustice because my life is marked by God's mercy. My life flashed before my eyes the other day with the scenario of "what if God had not shown His mercy in that situation"? In a matter of 5 seconds, God took me to memories from recent to childhood. There were many memories but major ones are as follows:

In 2009 I didn't believe in God anymore and became extremely suicidal and 3 demons were my constant companions. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and panic attack. God showed His mercy, His love, and His pursuit on me that I could not escape. He divinely placed people in my life to reach out to me and keep me afloat. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would most definitely not be alive to type this blog post, that is for certain.

In 2007 I had acted as a spiritual prostitute and turned my back on God. I deserved His wrath, His anger, the consequences for my unfaithfulness and I new it. I waited day and night to be struck dead by God out of His wrath. But it never came after 2 years of waiting. The truth is, I DID deserve it but God was merciful. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would have been judged as I deserved according to my unforgivable sins.

In 2006 I was involved in a cult and was completely and horribly brain washed. God rescued me from being abducted and kidnapped to be married (at age 16) to a 23 year old man. The plan was in the making and it was only a matter of weeks that it would be solidified and carried out. God rescued me in the nick of time. He also saved me from being rape from multiple men. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would be ruined, ostracized from my family (by the cult). I would be so lost from God and be rooted and in a lasting covenant with the cult. I most likely would have never seen freedom from them.

In 2004 I was in deep depression looking for a reason to not commit suicide. God showed His mercy by giving me an encounter with His love. "Had he not shown mercy on me?" If I hadn't killed myself, I would be living a life of pain and letting that pain out in very unhealthy ways.

In my child hood, when I was about 7 God protected me from being raped by a man while I was in a city park without adult supervision. "WHAT IF God had not shown His mercy?" I would have a lot more issues to work through than I have now.

The thing is, I don't deserve any of these acts of mercy. In reality, I should not be worthy of God's mercy and love. I have been forgiven, I have been protected, I have been pursued by unrelenting love. God is slow to be angry, He is quick to forgive, He does not always chide, He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. My life is marked by this. God has not given to me what I should deserve. He has looked upon me and for some reason that is beyond me deemed me worthy of His love and His mercy. Granted, I have been dealt some nasty cards (that are not even mentioned here); I have been broken by life's experiences but God's mercy has not failed me now, but is continuing to be poured out on me and in my life. This is not what I deserve. This is why I say, my life is marked by injustice from God; but and injustice of mercy.

Look at your life. Through out the pessimistic perspective for a moment. Through out your feeling of entitlement to His love and mercy. How has God shown His mercy to you through out your life? I guarantee it, your life is like mine, marked by the unjust mercy and love of the Lord God.