A life marked by unjust mercy

God really is a mystery. There is so much depth and complexity about His being that baffles me. One thing that I don't understand is His justice. In my mind, justice is getting what you deserve whether reward or punishment. Justice is what is right, what is lawful, what is righteous. We live in a reward and punishment society; a society that fights to uphold justice. The word says that God is "just"; however, I have seen a lot of injustice from God in my life. Now, before you gasp and shout out "HERESY!" Hear me out. My life is marked by injustice because my life is marked by God's mercy. My life flashed before my eyes the other day with the scenario of "what if God had not shown His mercy in that situation"? In a matter of 5 seconds, God took me to memories from recent to childhood. There were many memories but major ones are as follows:

In 2009 I didn't believe in God anymore and became extremely suicidal and 3 demons were my constant companions. I lived in a constant state of anxiety and panic attack. God showed His mercy, His love, and His pursuit on me that I could not escape. He divinely placed people in my life to reach out to me and keep me afloat. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would most definitely not be alive to type this blog post, that is for certain.

In 2007 I had acted as a spiritual prostitute and turned my back on God. I deserved His wrath, His anger, the consequences for my unfaithfulness and I new it. I waited day and night to be struck dead by God out of His wrath. But it never came after 2 years of waiting. The truth is, I DID deserve it but God was merciful. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would have been judged as I deserved according to my unforgivable sins.

In 2006 I was involved in a cult and was completely and horribly brain washed. God rescued me from being abducted and kidnapped to be married (at age 16) to a 23 year old man. The plan was in the making and it was only a matter of weeks that it would be solidified and carried out. God rescued me in the nick of time. He also saved me from being rape from multiple men. "WHAT IF He hadn't shown His mercy?" I would be ruined, ostracized from my family (by the cult). I would be so lost from God and be rooted and in a lasting covenant with the cult. I most likely would have never seen freedom from them.

In 2004 I was in deep depression looking for a reason to not commit suicide. God showed His mercy by giving me an encounter with His love. "Had he not shown mercy on me?" If I hadn't killed myself, I would be living a life of pain and letting that pain out in very unhealthy ways.

In my child hood, when I was about 7 God protected me from being raped by a man while I was in a city park without adult supervision. "WHAT IF God had not shown His mercy?" I would have a lot more issues to work through than I have now.

The thing is, I don't deserve any of these acts of mercy. In reality, I should not be worthy of God's mercy and love. I have been forgiven, I have been protected, I have been pursued by unrelenting love. God is slow to be angry, He is quick to forgive, He does not always chide, He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. My life is marked by this. God has not given to me what I should deserve. He has looked upon me and for some reason that is beyond me deemed me worthy of His love and His mercy. Granted, I have been dealt some nasty cards (that are not even mentioned here); I have been broken by life's experiences but God's mercy has not failed me now, but is continuing to be poured out on me and in my life. This is not what I deserve. This is why I say, my life is marked by injustice from God; but and injustice of mercy.

Look at your life. Through out the pessimistic perspective for a moment. Through out your feeling of entitlement to His love and mercy. How has God shown His mercy to you through out your life? I guarantee it, your life is like mine, marked by the unjust mercy and love of the Lord God.